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Taking the cue from the "Curves" all-women's health club, we are proud to announce the grand opening of the first Mental Health Club for men....
Don't be alarmed by the "30 Minute" bit. The sign-maker
has already been called back to correct his error. The
banner was to read "30 Beer Flatulence & Weight Dismissal
Center." We can't guarantee that you'll actually lose/gain weight,
but we WILL assure that you won't give a shit either way.
It has, however, been pointed out by astute Scurves Charter Member "Mr. T" that, properly interpreted, the wording on the awning might not need to be changed at all. To wit, since there is no hyphen between the "30" and "Minute," which would signify a half-hour, it would be entirely proper to interpret that statement as advertising Scurves' 30 Minute (adj.: tiny, miniscule) Fitness Program.
In short, 30 minute (small, 12 oz.) beers will lead to Fitness. Happens every time.
And, of course, the Weight Loss at a Scurves Center will always be the proverbial "Weight of the World" our members drag in with them and gratefully shed in the course of their 30-beer workout session. The Lord truly doeth work in mysterious ways, wot?
Likewise, borrowing the idea (and the excitable young
vixen on the box), Scurves is proud to announce the release
of our first branded mental health food product. The all new
and guaranteed to please...
Just one of these delicious and music-enhancing
Scurves Chewy Ganja Bars and you're guaranteed to perceive
all wimminz reacting to your wit and charm precisely
as depicted on the box.*
Stay tuned for more products and services as the
Scurves franchise (and Scurv's waistline) expands.
* Your smilage may vary. See..SEE!...SEE!!! Toldja!
Beer Fights Cancer
Tuesday, March 18, 2008 8:17 AM
Researchers are always looking for the magic bullet to kill cancer, and now they may have found it in a surprising place – a glass of beer! (Who knew?) It turns out that hops, which is the flavor component of beer, contains a cancer-fighting compound called xanthohumol.
Xanthohumol turns out to be toxic to several kinds of human cancer, including prostate, ovarian, breast, and colon. Further, it inhibits enzymes that can activate the development of cancer, and also helps detoxify carcinogens. It even seems to slow down tumor growth in the early stages. Scientists are trying to produce hops that contain even more xanthohumol, and the Germans are racing to develop a "health" beer.
But wait -- there’s more! Other compounds in hops are potent phytoestrogens which may help with post-menopausal hot flashes and also prevent osteoporosis.
Beers that provide the most benefits contain the most hops, and include strong brews such as ale, stout, and porter. In general, the darker the beer, the better.
See also a special report news video on this topic on ABC TV. We can't make up stuff this good.
And further... Check out the January, 2011 short statement by Dr. William Campbell Douglass, M.D.:
Let's just hope this finally puts to rest all those snide rumors about us simply guzzling all that delicious stuff in order to gain some grotesque pleasure out of it. Now the world can plainly see, we're just Health Nuts! Dedicated, driven, insistent and some might even say compulsive Health Nuts. 'Bout time we got the recognition and respect we've had coming to us all these years. But please, <blush> don't mention it. "Beer is proof that God loves us
The "Healthy Beer Regimen" given its rightful due
In case you don't yet believe that Scurves patented "Beer And Boistrous Belly Laughs Exercise" (BABBLE) workout regimen is good therapy, take warning by this sad song by Tim Wilson: Beer Belly Blues. Great song, sad story. He needs Scurves. And to better understand the need to keep in check the Forgiving Nature beer instills in The Faithful, we share here a graphic demonstration that should send a shiver up the spine (in recollection?) of most of our members. Though Scurves does maintain that beer is good for you, take heed of this Governemnt Health Warning: Beer Is Good For You. (Your web browser must be enabled to play Adobe Flash) Lastly, look what just hit the market. They're all over the Internet. It's the new "Obama Coffee Cup".
NEW! At Scurves Inspired by the traditional gymnasium of ancient Greece and Rome, Scurves Health Clubbe for Men, through exclusive arrangement with Jade enterprises, is proud to announce the introduction of a most civilized component to any gentleman's fitness regimen. For a mere $39.99, the health enthusiast hits the mat for an invigorating 15-minute Greco-Roman style tuneup with the two expert physical trainers, Pluribus and Unum, who are depicted below.
Feedback from members who participated in our program pilot study indicates that this workout, although necessarily grueling, is a superbly efficient means by which to work off those few excess 4Heads calories that the situps don't quite address. Says study participant J. B. Faires, "This is a deep, penetrating workout that catches *all* of the muscle groups."
And in a recent press release, SHCfM Director of Marketing J. W. Bishop proclaimed: "When the people from Jade first pitched the idea to us, we were a bit iffy about it. For one thing, because we didn't have any market comparison basis on which to predict whether or not our members would be willing to incur the added expense; and for another, we have a pretty well-read membership, most of whom would know that women weren't allowed into the gymnasia of Greece and Rome and we didn't know what their response would be to our doing something that they might perceive as wrongful tinkering with a time-honored Classical concept.
But now, two months in, we at Scurves are so pleasantly surprised as to stand unassailable to any accusation of hyperbole in stating without equivocation that this fitness service has become nothing short of wildly popular.
 Whatayathink? Ready for a good workout? Nyuk-nyuk. Our thanks to Scurves and 4Heads charter member T. L. Harrison for this wonderfully fitness-inspiring contribution. Then there's one of Scurv's personal mementos from long ago in a land far away. That's here. Drop the webmaster an |
